more random thoughts in my head

525600 journeys to plan how often do I cry?not enough a year. watching the kids grow up is wonderful but heartwrenching at the same time. I cant have kids, so everytime I see my nephews, I cry a little. I promised them a little cousin one day. Their cousin may very well be a Golden Retriver named Poncho Libre. I am listening to my Ipod. Its actually playing a Christman song. The sad thing is that I just rocked out to Whitney Houston singing Joy to the World. Ok, on to a new topic. I havent been feeling well lately. I have a couple doctors appointments next week. Maybe we can figure this all out. i dont say much about not feeling well. I have had the same metallic taste in my mouth for the past week. I had it last time I wound up in the ER for my stomach ulcer. I am hoping that its not back, but it very well could be. I weighed myself on Christmas Morning and I weighed 175, as of today I am 125. I dont know how I feel about this, espically since none of my clothes fit. The doctor and I will be discussing this too. I mean I wanted to lose some weight, but not like that. When I had the flu, I dropped about 10 pounds in a week. Then again I couldnt hold down food, so I figured that I would lose some weight. Wow. My Ipod is playing My Cherie Amour by Stevie Wonder. Its making me into more of a sap than normal! My dad and I talked last night about second chances. He asked what I thought about second chances. Well this is a good a forum as any I guess. I believe in second chances in some instances. I think that my drinking myself to death and managing to stop drinking was a second chance. I got a second chance to get my life right and get it out of the chaos it was headed for. I do believe that Caleb and Ian being born was a second chance for me. I had something to live for, and someone who would look up to me. I needed to get it right, the first time, since there would be no second chance. In a relationship tho, you should never have to ask for a second chance. If you can't/don't get it right the first time, what makes you think that you will the second time? Of course you will have your share of disagreements, we all do. Just don't let it get out of hand. If it's your fault say you are sorry. Sometimes saying your sorry won't help a situation. I am a personal fan of sending flowers or doing something sweet if I screw up. Most people seem to think that I will screw up in relationships, but I think I am finally getting the hang of it. All that I ask for, is just listen to me if I am upset and dont judge who I am because of where I am from. My family has a proud tradition of farming, and I have the upmost respect for it. So , don't insult it and we will be good. Some people change, not nessicarly for the better. I have changed over the past 2 years, and over the past 6 years. 6 years ago I was a mess of a person, working going to college in a very toxic relationship. (Which ended badly, very badly). I will be the first to admit that I have grown up alot over the past few years. I managed to nail down a good job and a good chance to make it. I have gotten alot farther that alot of people thought I would. At my class reunion, people were like, so you are working for a company, being successful? Who knew? I was voted most comical in school by the way, I know its shocking! More Stevie Wonder on the Ipod! I just called to say i love you. What a great song! I am a sap and I am the kind of person who would call and say hey, i love you, then hang up! HA. I need a second job. I have been helping out at my friends shop working on cars. I want him to hire me so I can work on weekends. Yeah, all I do is work, I am good at it. I told him that I would drive the wrecker for him at night if he wanted me too. I dont mind driving somewhere and towing a car. Just put it on the rollback and go. Thats all. Plus! I get another shirt with my name on it. Thats exciting. You gotta admit thats exciting. I need cars. I wanted to mention that I miss my cousin. She moved to Charleston with the kids. I miss them, I need to go to see her. She is my best friend, and has been there through it all. The chaos at UNC-Greensboro, me coming out, when mom died. I honestly think that if she hadn't be there that day with me and dad, that I would have lost it completly. Ok, now I am rambling. So, yeah I still cant believe the New Kids on the Block are back. I feel like I should do the New Kids dance. HA. Thats something to see on the camera at work.....yeah..... Maybe tonight at Time Out I can convince them to play something New Kids. I am a dork. Wow. I need cars.