when i finally swallow my pride

i tend to think that i am a pretty good person. i have a good head on my shoulders, and i have a good personality. what is it gonna take for me to swallow my pride and ask for help? when i need/want help i never ask for it. why do i not ask? i dont know. i am wierd like that. i have always had too much pride when it came to things like my family, and my lifestyle. maybe i should just slow down, and start sleeping at night, eating during the day, and saying fuck it to everything that goes wrong. i feel like i live in a shadow at times. i will never be as good as some people. i am alwasy following the leader. i have lived in a shadow since i was born. when is that gonna change? i dont know if it ever will. i thought graduating from college would help, but iw as wrong. i am going ot get a masters degree one day. i keep saying that i will, and now i now that i can, i just dont know when. i always had the dream of going to the University of Tenneesse Knoxville (Go Volunteers!) (Rocky Top). i wanted to be a Lady Volunteer, and wear the orange and blue. unfortunatly, my athletic eligibilty is over, and i can no longer play college sports. oh well. my knees couldnt take it anyway!