A Pirate looks at thirty

Mother, mother ocean, I have heard you call

Wanted to sail upon your waters since I was three feet tall

Youve seen it all, youve seen it all

Watched the men who rode you switch from sails to steam

And in your belly you hold the treasures few have ever seen

Most of em dream, most of em dream

Yes I am a pirate, two hundred years too late

The cannons dont thunder, theres nothin to plunder

Im an over-thirty victim of fate

Arriving too late, arriving too late

Ive done a bit of smugglin, Ive run my share of grass

I made enough money to buy miami, but I pissed it away so fast

Never meant to last, never meant to last

And I have been drunk now for over two weeks

I passed out and I rallied and I sprung a few leaks

But I got stop wishin, got to go fishin

Down to rock bottom again

Just a few friends, just a few friends

I go for younger women, lived with several awhile

Though I ran em away, theyd come back one day

Still could manage to smile

Just takes a while, just takes a while

Mother, mother ocean, after all the years Ive found

My occupational hazard being my occupations just not around

I feel like Ive drowned, gonna head uptown

I feel like Ive drowned, gonna head uptown

August

Its been 11 years since I woke up at 8am and walked into the kitchen and mom was pacing, and dad wasnt home. I couldnt figure out why. I sat down at the bar in the kitchen and mom said to me, " your grandmother died last night". of course i began to cry, and my mom tired to comfort me. i asked where my dad was, she told me he was with his brother and my grandfather making the arrangements. My grandfather had called at around 3am to tell us and i ever heard the phone ring. I kicked myself for not hearing it. My grandmother was 72 years old. She had 2 sons, my dad in 1948 and his brother in 1965. 2 grandchildren me in 1979 and my cousin Tyler in 1996. I know she died in her sleep, I dont know if there were any contributing factors to it. She was having some trouble with her memory and things. she didnt know that I had gone to camp and come home, despite the letters i had written to her while I was gone. She died the first weekend I was in college. I remember I had no clothes suitable for a funeral at my parents (since I had just moved) and I had to borrow a dress from my cousin. I remember my dad had to buy a new suit, because his no longer fit. I miss her. I miss her cooking. You could be at her house on a monday and at 5pm the table was covered! I always ate well when I was there. She made a chocolate cake with white icing with pecans in icing. how i miss that cake.
In 1992 also in August, I think the 23rd, my Aunt Ollie died. She was like a grandmother to Karen, Paul and myself. Our grandparents died before we were born, so her and Uncle Steve stepped in and filled those shoes. Her birthday was on Halloween, and mom and Aunt Dottie would always take us over to her house for cake when we were small. We would wear our Halloween costumes. She had colon cancer and we had seen her not long before she passed away. She was at her house in her bedroom and her daughter was there. I remember talking to her, and she looked at me like she knew me. Her daughter called the house in the early morning. I again did not wake up, but my mom told me the next morning and then took me to my grandmothers for the day. I did not attend school that day or the day of the funeral. Small graveside service, I remember that my Uncle Steve wore his cowboy hat. Why I remember that I do not know.
My mom died in August too, and this is a hard month for me. If I can get thru the next 6 days I will be ok!

softball

we won our game 18-4. i played first. couple good hits. no complaints.

a little bit of chicken fried

You know I like my chicken fried
Cold beer on a Friday night
A pair of jeans that fit just right
And the radio up
Well I was raised up beneath the shade of a Georgia pine
And that`s home you know
Sweet tea pecan pie and homemade wine
Where the peaches grow
And my house it`s not much to talk about
But it`s filled with love that`s grown in southern ground
And a little bit of chicken fried
Cold beer on a Friday night
A pair of jeans that fit just right
And the radio up
Well I`ve seen the sunrise
ee the love in my woman`s eyes
Feel the touch of a precious child
And know a mother`s love
Well its funny how it`s the little things in life that mean the most
Not where you live or the car you drive or the price tag on your clothes
There`s no dollar sign on a piece of mind this I`ve come to know
So if you agree have a drink with me
Raise you glasses for a toast
To a little bit of chicken fried
Cold beer on a Friday night
A pair of jeans that fit just right
And the radio up
Well I`ve seen the sunrise
See the love in my woman`s eyes
Feel the touch of a precious child
And know a mother`s love
I thank god for my life
And for the stars and stripes
May freedom forever fly, let it ring.
Salute the ones who died
The ones that give their lives so we don`t have to sacrifice
All the things we love
Like our chicken fried
Cold beer on a Friday night
A pair of jeans that fit just right
And the radio up
Well I`ve seen the sunrise
See the love in my woman`s eyes
Feel the touch of a precious child
And know a mother`s love

50 radom facts about me

I have been tagged a number of times and just plain ignored them, but I decided to do this 50 interesting facts. Mainly because I wanted to see what I might come up with, so read if you so please.
1. I was born on May 28, 1979
2. I am 5 foot 7 inches according to my license.
3. I hurt my knee last week
4. I love all the seasons, especially summer
5. I was adopted
6. I have met my birth parents
7. I think about moving to Canada
8. I was always mad as a child that I was in a 3 person family, becasue we couldnt compete on Double Dare.
9. I will be on Jeopardy one day
10. I do stand up comedy on the side (pretty darn good too!)
11. I have no children
12. I love to go fishing.
13. I grew up on a dirt road
14. I love ot play softball
15. I couldnt do a somersault if I tried
16. I really dont like vegetables
17. I love to go camping
18. I know how to sail
19. I like to write, most of it doesnt make much sense but i still enjoy doing it.
20. I am not a morning person....
21. I have only been to disneyworld once
22. I have been to texas once
23. I am an only child
24. I know how to drive a tractor
25. If I become a famous comedian, I most def what my entry music to be "Eastbound and Down" from Smokey and the Bandit
26. I want to learn to drive a tractor trailer
27. I had a job that I drove a truck (step van) for a living (i enjoyed that job)
28. I would really like to see the interior of cinderellas castle.
29. I want to drive a Nascar pace car, just once!
30. I can change a tire, oil, air filter, and tune up an engine. so there.
31. I am starting to become more involved in the national kidney foundation
32. I love country music
33. I am going to vote for Barack Obama!
34. I drive too fast.
35. I miss my mom.
36. I love the simple country life
37. I need to buy a new cell phone
38. I love Ghost Hunters and I want to be on the show!
39. I am finally happy!
40. I never get enough sleep.
41. I am impatient.
42. I love that water, fishing, boating, etc.
43. I know all the hand motions to the camp song "Witch Doctor"
44. I like to be early.
45. I broke my laptop and need a new one!
46. I still have every barbie dolls and lego set at my dads
47. I would spend every dime i have at Best Buy and not care.
48. I need to get some pictures done
49. I need to work on my tact.
50. I am too nice.

home

i wanna go home. maybe surrounded by a million people i still feel all alone, i wanna go home. I think this sums it up. i miss my home at times. I dont know why, but i love it there. its a simple life. tobacco fields, tractors, corn, deer. its great. sitting on the porch relaxing, thats the life. you never know how much you miss until you go away for a while. i have been gone since 1997. i stay there on weekends, and i dont feel like its mine. i know that one day i will inherit the house. what am i gonna do with a house? i will probably never move back to pitt county. i guess we will see what happens and one day i may be there.

All I ever really wanted

Girl you got me going
Yea I think you know it
Oh I’m ready for this ride
So come on take my hand
Cuz only you, you understand
How to kick this feeling into
Drive all night with me
Sing my favorite song and sleep
Under the stars on the hood of our car
It’s all I’ve ever wanted
All I ever wanted was to
See you in the pale moon light
Just the way ya look tonight
And maybe some day
If love comes our way
We’ll be walking in the meadow in the early spring
You’ll be twirling in a sundress wearing my ring
Can you see itGirl
I believe em that
It’s true
All I ever wanted
All I ever really wanted was you
If life is what you make it
Here’s my chance ill take it
You know I wanna make you mine
I have this picture in my mind
You were in it all the time
So baby hold on tight
And drive all night with me
Sing my favorite song and sleep
Under the stars on the hood of our car
It’s all I’ve ever wanted
All I ever wanted was to
See you in the pale moon light
Just the way ya look tonight
And maybe some day
If love comes our way
We’ll be walking in the meadow in the early spring
You’ll be twirling in a sundress wearing my ring
Can you see it
Girl I believe em that
It’s true
All I ever wanted
All I ever really wanted was you
All I ever wanted
Was to see you in the pale moon light
Just the way ya look tonight
And maybe some day
If love comes our way
We’ll be walking in the meadow in the early spring
You’ll be twirling in a sundress wearing my ring
Can you see it
Girl I believe em that
It’s true
All I ever wanted
All I ever really wanted was you

people and stupidty

so, apparently I am stupid. i have known this for a long time. the fact that you harp on it and make yourself feel better is not a good thing. i understand that i am not a genuis. in fact i have 2 college degrees. thats right 2. you are asking how i wound up with 2 college degrees. i am poud of this. i dont know how thats a bad thing. yeah i worked hard, and i dont understand alot of thngs, but i got it done. i have a ton of random knowledge that will get me no where in life. i mean i could be the jeopardy champion. i cannot let you and other people contiune to manipulate me and treat me like you do. its as tho you get some thrill out of treating me like i am a piece of dirt. i am going to start living with more confidence and having a "screw you" attitude. i am going to move on with my life. if you want to try to make me look stupid in front of the person i am dating, feel free to continue. i honestly do not think that its gonna matter what you say at this point. you feel as though you have to insult me, and that its gonna change me. keep insulting me, its fine. nothing i can do about it. i will not answer your calls, or respond to text messages anymore. you made your decision.

I work for Enterprise

I work for Enterprise.

I have advanced degree in Accounting, Public Relations, Marketing, Business, Computer Science, Civil Engineering, Auto Propulsion, and Swahili.

Of course, I have the reservation that you booked six years ago even though you don't have the confirmation number and you think that it was under a name that starts with and "X".

Its not a problem for me to give you a 12 passenger, non-smoking, convertible hatchback, sports car with six doors. All front row seating, and yes, I can install a turbocharger. I know it is my fault that we don't have one with purple leather seats.

I work for Enterprise. I am expected to speak all languages. It is obvious to me that when you booked your reservation for Friday that you really meant Saturday. My company has entrusted me with all financial information and decisions and yes, I can tell you why your bill from March of 1987 contained a $2.00 gas charge because obviously you never pay for gas charges.

I work for Enterprise. I understand that I am beneath you and anything you say surely was passed down from The Almighty Himself. And I understand that you are far to busy to stop for 2 seconds so I can print your receipt. And of course I will fax it to you while you try to sputter your fax number as you jump onto the shuttle. And if you give me the wrong number and get it right away, I apologize, I should have known the number by heart.

I understand that McGulicutty's Widget Manufacturing is a vast empire that will make or break our company. Yes, I am lying to you when I say we have no more cars available. It is not a problem for me to quickly assemble several more cars. this time I will not forget the purple leather seats.

I work for Enterprise. I am quite capable of checking three contracts in, two contracts out, taking 5 reservations, answering fifteen incoming calls and changing the oil in that blue Camry, all at the same time.

I always know where to find the best vegetarian-Kosher-Mongolian barbeque restaurants. I know exactly what to see and do in Denver in fifteen minutes without spending any money. I take personal blame for airline food, traffic jams, dirty hotel rooms and the National Economy. I understand that your bad day or your accident, or broken down car are entirely my fault. I realize that you meant to book your reservation here. People often confuse us with the "Turkeylurkey Dogsled Rental of the Northern Artic Circle." Of course I can "fit you in" and yes, you may have the special one dollar rat because you are affiliated with the Hoboken Accounting and Bagel Club.

I am expected to smile, empathize, sympathize, console, upsell, downsell (and of course, know when to do which), perform, sing, dance and fix the printer.

I work for Enterprise.

olympic theories

every 4 years the olympics are held. I watched parth of the opening ceremony this year. alot of countries pariciapted. I thought we were gong to have a successfull olympics this year, then somone attacked some Americans in China. Eric Rudolph set off a bomb in Atlanta, that killed a women, and another man died of a heart attack attempting to flee the scene. I dont understand why people want to fight at the one moment when there is a moment of peace on earth. every country regardless of their hatred to another all join and show off talents that they have. Its a fair playing field for everyone. no one is coming in with more of an advantage over someone else. maybe i have a distorted picture in my head, but i know that everyone in every other country in the world is screaming at their television when their country enters a contest. i find it awfully odd that russia decided to attack the country of georgia right as the olympics started. but then again i find it odd that we cant find bin laden and he lives in a cave. i mean how many caves are there in afganistan? ok i just wanted to vent.

true story,
Estee

i always wondered why the real lyrics were

these are the real lyrics to the song Informer. I suddenly feel like I just lost half my intellegence


-----------------------------------------
You know say daddy me snow me-a (gonna) blame
A licky boom-boom down'
Tective man he say, say Daddy
Me Snow me stab someone down the lane
A licky boom-boom down
Police-a them-a they come and-a they blow down me door
One him come crawl through through my window
So they put me in the back the car at the station
From that point on I reach my destination
Well the destination reached in down-a East detention
Where they whip down me pants look up me bottom
Bigger they are they think they have more power
There on the phone me say that on hour
Me for want to use it once and-a me call me loverLover who me callin'-a the one
TammyAnd me love her in my heart down to my belly-a
Yes say Daddy Me Snow me I feel cool and deadly
Yes the one MC Shan and the one Daddy Snow
Together we-a love 'em as a tornado
Listen to me ya better listen for me now
Listen to me ya better listen for me now
When-a me rock-a the microphone, me rock on steady-a
Yes-a Daddy Me Snow me are the article don
But the in an a-out a dance an they say, "Where ya come from?"
People them say I come from Jamaica
But me born and raised (in the ghetto)
I want ya to know-a
Pure black people man thats all I man know
Yeah me shoes are-a tear up an-a my toes used to show-a
Where me-a born in-a the one Toronto
Come with a nice young ladyIntelligent, yes she gentle and irie
Everywhere me go me never lef' her at all-ie
Yes-a Daddy Snow me are the roam dance man-a
Roam between-a dancin' in-a in-a nation-a
You never know say Daddy Me Snow me are the boom shakata
Me never lay-a down flat in-a one cardboard box-a
Yes-a Daddy Me Snow me-a go reachin' out da top
Why would he?
Me sittin round cool with my jiggy jiggy girl
Police knock my door, lock up my pal
Rough me up and I cant do a thing
Pick up my line when my telephone ring
Take me to the station, black up my hands
Trail me down 'cause I'm hangin with the Snowman
What an I gonna do, I'm backed and I'm trapped
Smack me in my face, took all of my gap
They have no clues and they wanna get warmer
But Shan won't turn informer

Have You Ever
Got this from Karen's blog.... Have you ever...(if it is bold I have)

1. Touched an iceberg

2. Slept under the stars (Camp Don Lee pier)

3. Been a part of a hockey fight

4. Changed a baby's diaper

5. Watched a meteor shower

6. Given to a charity (NKF)

7. Swam with wild dolphins

8. Climbed a mountain

9. Held a tarantula

10. Said "I love you" and meant it

11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea (scared me to death, nothing like a sailboat and lightening)

14. Stayed up all night long and watched the sun rise

15. Seen the Northern Lights

16. Gone to a huge sports game

17. Walked the stairs to the top of the Statue of Liberty

18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables (when mom and dad had a garden)

19. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope

20. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment

21. Had a pillow fight

22. Bet on a winning horse

23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill

24. Held a lamb

25. Gone skinny dipping

26. Taken an ice cold bath (when i jacked up my knee)

27. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar

28. Seen a total eclipse

29. Ridden a roller coaster

30. Hit a home run

31. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking (I do this all the time)

32. Adopted an accent for fun

33. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

34. Felt very happy about your life, even for just a moment

35. Loved your job 90% of the time

36. Had enough money to be truly satisfied

37. Watched wild whales

38. Gone rock climbing

39. Gone on a walk on the beach

40. Gone sky diving

41. Ever bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

42. Bench-pressed your own weight

43. Milked a cow

44. Alphabetized your personal files

45. Worn a superhero costume

46. Sung karaoke

47. Lounged around in bed all day

48. Gone scuba diving

49. Kissed in the rain

50. Played in the mud

51. Gone to a drive-in theater

52. Done something you should regret

53. Visited the Great Wall of China

54. Started a business

55. Been in a movie

56. Gone without food for 3 days (when we got stranded on a sailing trip)

57. Made cookies from scratch

58. Won first prize in a costume contest

59. Got flowers for no reason

60. Spoken more than one language fluently

61. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone

62. Bounced a check

63. Read and understood your credit report

64. Found out something significant that your ancestors did

65. Called or written your Congress person

66. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over

67. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge

68. Helped an animal give birth

69. Been fired or laid off from a job (laid off once)

70. Won money

71. Broken a bone (both collarbones, one twice)

72. Ridden a motorcycle

73. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph

74. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon

75. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing

77. Had your picture in the newspaper

78. Read the Bible cover to cover

79. Changed some one's mind about something you care deeply about

80. Gone back to school

81. Changed your name

82. Eaten fried green tomatoes

83. Read The Iliad (and The Odessey)

84. Taught yourself an art from scratch

85. Killed and prepared an animal for eating

86. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt

87. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language

88. Been elected to public office

89. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream (every thursday at Comedy Zone)

90. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you

91. Dyed your hair

92. Rocked a baby to sleep

93. Ever dropped a cat from a high place to see if it really lands on all four

94. Raked your carpet

95. Worn a mood ring

96. Ridden a horse

97. Carved an animal from a piece of wood or bar of soap (a bar of soap once)

98. Cooked a dish where four people asked for the recipe

99. Buried a child

100. Gone to a Broadway play

101. Been inside the pyramids

102. Shot a basketball into a basket

103. Danced at a disco

104. Played in a band

105. Shot a bird

106. Gone to an arboretum

107. Tutored someone

108. Ridden a train

109. Brought an old fad back into style

110. Eaten caviar

111. Let a salesman talk you into something you didn’t need

112. Ridden a giraffe or elephant

113. Published a book

114. Pieced a quilt

115. Lived in a historic place

116. Acted in a play or performed on a stage

117. Asked for a raise

118. Made a hole-in-one mini golfing

119. Gone deep sea fishing

120. Gone roller skating (spent 99% of the time on the floor, bad day)

121. Run a marathon

122. Learned to surf

123. Invented something

124. Flown first class

125. Spent the night in a 5-star luxury hotel

126. Sang a solo

127. Gone spelunking

128. Learned how to take a compliment

129. Written a love-story

130. Seen Michelangelo’s David

131. Had your portrait painted

132. Written a fan letter

133. Spent the night in something haunted (one word, Perry)

134. Ran away

135. Learned to juggle

136. Been a boss

137. Sat on a jury

138. Lied about your weight

139. Gone on a diet

140. Found an arrowhead or a gold nugget

141. Written a poem

142. Carried your lunch in a lunchbox

143. Gotten food poisoning

144. Gone on a service, humanitarian or religious mission

145. Sat on a park bench and fed the ducks

146. Gone to the opera

147. Gotten a letter from someone famous (new kids on the block, do they count?)

148. Worn knickers

149. Ridden in a limousine

150. Attended the Olympics

151. Can hula or waltz (waltz)

152. Read a half dozen Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys books

153. Been stuck in an elevator

154. Had a revelatory dream

155. Thought you might crash in an airplane

156. Had a song dedicated to you on the radio or at a concert

157. Saved someone’s life

158. Eaten raw whale

159. Know how to tat, smock or do needlepoint

160. Laughed till your side hurt

161. Straddled the equator

162. Taken a photograph of something other than people that is worth framing

163. Gone to a Shakespeare Festival

164. Sent a message in a bottle

165. Spent the night in a hostel

166. Been a cashier

167. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

168. Joined a union

169. Donated blood

170. Built a campfire

171. Kept a blog

172. Had hives

173. Worn custom made shoes or boots

174. Made a PowerPoint Presentation (CST 499, Senior Project Seminar)

175. Taken a Hunter’s Safety Course

176. Served at a soup kitchen

177. Conquered the Rubik’s cube

178. Known CPR

179. Gone fishing

180. Found a long lost friend (Phillip Jourdain, left when we were 12, found him on myspace)

181. Voted for a contestant on American Idol or So You Think You Can Dance

182. Successfully convinced someone you were of a different nationality

183. Received a promotion

184. Movie-hopped (Gone to two movies in a theater and only paying for the first movie)

185. Planned a surprise party for someone

186. Beaten all levels of a video game

187. Driven more than 2,500 miles on a cross-country trip

188. Cried yourself to sleep

189. Stayed awake for more than 24 hours

190. Crossed a national border by car

191. Been to an island

192. Been completely out of debt (student loans, house, and all)

193. Read a book from the Twilight series

94. Traveled to Italy

195. Given birth

196. Found a bra that fits perfectly

197. Learned to meditate

198. Owned your dream car

199. Learned to love eating raw vegetables

200. Seen all 50 state

letter to me

If I could write a letter to me
And send it back in time to myself at 17
First I'd prove it's me by saying look under your bed
There's a shot gun and a letter jacket no one else would know you hid
And then I'd say I know it's tough
When you break up after seven months
And yeah I know you really liked him and it just don't seem fair
All I can say is pain like that is fast and it's rare
And oh you got so much going for you going right
But I know at 17 it's hard to see past Friday night
Sean wasn't right for you
And still you feel like there's a knife sticking out of your back
And you're wondering if you'll survive
You'll make it through this and you'll see
You're still around to write this letter to me
At the stop sign at Country Club and 903,
Always stop completely don't just tap your breaks
And when you get a date with Amie make sure the tank is full
On second thought forget it that one turns out kinda cool
Each and every time you have a fight
Just assume you're wrong and mom is right
And you should really thank Mrs. Hines
She spent so much extra time
It's like she sees the diamond underneath
And she's polishin' you 'til you shine
And oh you got so much going for you going right
But I know at 17 it's hard to see past Friday night
Tonight's the homeocming game
But you're staying home instead because if you fail Algebra
Mom will kill you dead
Trust me you'll squeak by and get a C
And you're still around to write this letter to me
You've got so much up ahead
You'll make new friends
And I'd end by saying have no fear
These are nowhere near the best years of your life
I guess I'll see you in the mirror
When you're a grown man
P.S. go hug Uncle Steve every chance you can
And oh you got so much going for you going right
But I know at 17 it's hard to see past Friday night
I wish you wouldn't worry, let it be
I'd say have a little faith and you'll see
If I could write a letter to me
To me

when i finally swallow my pride

i tend to think that i am a pretty good person. i have a good head on my shoulders, and i have a good personality. what is it gonna take for me to swallow my pride and ask for help? when i need/want help i never ask for it. why do i not ask? i dont know. i am wierd like that. i have always had too much pride when it came to things like my family, and my lifestyle. maybe i should just slow down, and start sleeping at night, eating during the day, and saying fuck it to everything that goes wrong. i feel like i live in a shadow at times. i will never be as good as some people. i am alwasy following the leader. i have lived in a shadow since i was born. when is that gonna change? i dont know if it ever will. i thought graduating from college would help, but iw as wrong. i am going ot get a masters degree one day. i keep saying that i will, and now i now that i can, i just dont know when. i always had the dream of going to the University of Tenneesse Knoxville (Go Volunteers!) (Rocky Top). i wanted to be a Lady Volunteer, and wear the orange and blue. unfortunatly, my athletic eligibilty is over, and i can no longer play college sports. oh well. my knees couldnt take it anyway!

forever seems so long

so, i am in a situation that i want to last forever. forever is a big word. its a word that i feel like i shouldnt be saying. i have never felt like this before. i have been in relationships that i wanted to last for a long time. dont get me wrong, but i want this one to LAST. i seem to be the issue in most of my relationships. people seem to blame me for everything. i take the fall for it too. by taking the fall i mean, i will agree when you tell me i was wrong. i apologize for everything, even stuff i didnt do.
i am hopeless, in that, i have these really romantic ideas in my head, but how often do they play out? i am trying so hard with this one. i really want to make it work. i have been happy inthe past with people i dated, but this one feels so different. part of me feels like a teenager thats in love for the first time, the other part of me wants to grab on and not let go. its been so long since i have felt anything ike this at all. there is always the fear of getting to close to someone to let someone know you completly. i have changed alot over the past 6 years and i am scared to have someone know me completely. there are a couple of peple in my life who know more than enough about me. i guess its a risk worth taking. for someone to know me completly and be ok with me and loving me for me. knowning me for who i am not who they want me to be. i will change and do things that make the person i am wiht happy. becasue if she is not happy i am not happy. so i will change things about myself. there are things that can never change tho. i dont want for anyone to ever think that my family is not important when they are the most important and only thing i have thats a constant in my life.
if she is happy i am happy. i will do whatever it takes to make sure she is happy. if that showing up wiht flowers becasue she doesnt feel well, to letting her cry on my shoulder. whatever it takes is what i am prepared to do. love is such an interesting emotion.

Upper Middle Class White Trash

I just got off, work at 5,
drivin' that ol' van I drive,
overalls, and dirty boots,
but Uncle Bill needed a funeral suit,
so when I walked in that fancy store,
they looked at me like I was poor,
but a wad of hundred dollar bills caused a stir,
it went from “don't take checks” to “right away, yes sir” !
Upper middle class white trash, my pockets can't hold all my cash,
'cause one day I stopped to pee,
got some gas and won the lottery,
now I've invested in my neighborhood,
my friends and family,
there all livin' pretty good,
a trailer park full of Cadillacs,
an upper middle class white trash .
I got my home-boy Chris,
a brand new shop,
for all those cars on cinder blocks,
and cousin Charlie thinks its cool to keep a large mouth bass in his new swimmin' pool,
I had a birthday party for mama last night,
in her ninety and a half foot triple wide,
you ain't seen nothin' if you ain't seen NASCAR on a sixty inch plasma screen!
Upper middle class white trash,
my pockets cant hold all my cash,
'cause one day I stopped to pee,
got some gas and won the lottery,
now I've invested in my neighborhood,
my friends and family,
there all livin' pretty good,
a trailer park full of Cadillacs,
an upper middle class white trash .
Buyin' chicken wings by the buckets,
we can't eat 'em all so we just say chuck it,
all the miller light you can handle,
a hundred and fifty seven movie channels.
Upper middle class white trash,
your pockets cant hold all our cash,
'cause one day I stopped to pee,
got some gas and won the lottery,
now I've invested in my neighborhood,
my friends and family,
there all livin' pretty good,
a trailer park full of Cadillacs,
an upper middle class white trash .