Wednesday, April 1, 2009

I get so tired of wondering why....

Everyone knows I was adopted. Its no secret. My family told me when I was a child. Even though at the time I wasnt sure what that meant. Well here I am less than 2 months from turning 30 and still dont know. I think what gets me is that someone can just give up there kid. I mean really???? I honestly believe my birthmother used adoption as a form of birth control. I know there were 3 of us. It has been brought to my attention that there could even be one more. WHY? Don't get me wrong, I grew up wiht GREAT parents, and a wonderful extended family. I guess I just wanted to know where I came from.
Well I met the Birthmom in 1998. It shattered any image I ever had of her in my mind. In my mind she was the leader of the pack, the CEO, CFO, COO, etc. When in reality she was none of these. I dont understand.
I met the Birthfather too. He was nice enough, but he didnt think I was his. I look just like him! CARBON COPY....I have a picture to prove it.
He claimed that he didnt know either time. I don't know. I think he knew something. I really do.
....to be adopted is to be adapted.... That is the truest statement I know. I think if had never met the birthfamily that things would be different. I am glad I know, since I always wondered. I met them both on my own terms, after giving me away, the least they could do was listen to my terms on something.
Sorry for the rant, but I hold alot of ANGER in my heart about this. Now I am gonna spend my time trying to figure out if I have another sibiling out there. Its hard to search, but I have a birthdate. We will see, I will update as I learn more.

True Story,
Estee

1 comment:

LinkedSilas said...

i remember , i was there