this says it all. :(

i been sittin' here staring at the clock on the wall
and i been layin here praying praying she won't call
it's just another call from home and you'll get it and be gone and i'll be crying
and i'll be beggin you baby
beg you not to leave
but i'll be left here waitingwith my heart on my sleeve
oh for the next time we'll be here
seems like a million years
and i think i'm dying
what do i have to do to make you see
she can't love you like me
why dont you stay
im down on my knees
im so tired of being lonely
don't i give you what you need
when she calls you will go
there is one thing you should know
we dont have to live this way
baby why dont you stay
you keep telling me baby
there will come a timewhen you will leave her arms
and forever be in mine
but i don't think that's the truth
and i don't like being used
and i'm tired of waiting
it's too much pain to have to bear
to love a woman you have to share
why dont you stay
im down on my knees
im so tired of being lonely
don't i give you what you need
when she calls you will go
there is one thing you should know
we dont have to live this way
baby why dont you stay
i can't take it any longer
but my will is getting stronger
and i think i know just what i have to do
i can't waste another minute
after all that i've put in it
i've given you my best why does she get the best of you
so the next time you find
you wanna leave her bed for mine
why dont you stayim up off my knees
im so tired of being lonely
you cant give me what i need
when she begs you not to go
there is one thing you should know
i dont have to live this way
baby why dont you stay

my view of home

Im from the fourth row pew of a old Methodist church
A courthouse clock that still dont work
Where a mans word means everything
Where moms and dads were high school flames and
Gave their children Grandmothers maiden name
Yes, it may not sound like much But its where im from
Where the quarterback dates the homecoming queen
The trucks a Ford and the tractor's green
and amazing grace is what we sing where
Theres a county fair every fall and your friends are there no matter when you call
It may not sound like much but its where im from

All I ask

All I ask of those of you who may read my blog is this. Don't give up on me. I am gonna be ok, its gonna take some time, but I think I will be ok. So just dont give up on me.

Anger

Why am I so angry today? I dont know. Maybe its because I am here by myself....AGAIN. Maybe its because Christi is stressed out too. We are both just on eggshells these days. I keep trying to help out and keep getting asked not too. Why is that everytime I get to the top of a mountain I fall back down it. Its annoying. I wanna stay at the top for once in my life. I feel like I am in a repeative cycle. It is gonna keep happening, I am gonna keep falling, its annoying. i just wanna make it for once.

To find a better day....

So, I feel like walking away to find a better day. I really do.