some company

what would you say if you found out today would really be your last would you try to bargain with god would you take the chance grab hold of the hands of your family and friends tell them all just what they meant would you know what to say would you know what to do when they stared at you wide-eyed and laughing saying hey are you crazy man i don’t have time for this c’mon i’m gonna miss my favorite show lately i find nobody’s got the time to even say hello it’s nice to see you but i gotta go just want to find someone not always on the run who’ll sit down for a while remember what it’s like to smile well now i’ m heading south gonna learn to shut my mouth and listen to the people and their places and their stories before i turn to judge then i will see the crutch i’ve been leaning on far too long gotta learn to stand on my own and i’ll be the first to admit i don’t know exactly how to slow down like a neverending song but it won’t be long till i’m counting every breath and every heartbeat would you like to join me i sure could use some company just the other day went walking with a friend in downtown boston where we saw a homeless man begging for spare change just trying to feed his kids when i bent down to give a dime my friend just shook his head c’mon skott don’t you know this guy’s just gonna go get himself all liquored up spent the night drinking away well i just don’t buy that line ‘sides for me it’s just a dime and what about the chance that this money makes it home that’s a truth some people never want to know well i know what i’d say if i found out today would really be my last i wouldn’t bargain with god i would walk the streets tell everyone i meet that i love them and i know that they could be anything they want anything they dream all it takes is a dream to send you flying and all i want now is to renounce who i’ve been in hopes that i’ll become a better person god knows we all could be one

Giving it all.....

So, i got some news from home on Wednesday. I am still stunned, and cant seem to shake it. A guy I knew for years, hung out with, went on a date or several with, got killed while responding to a Domestic Disturbance. He left behind 2 small children. I know that peole who get into Law Enforcement do the best they can to protect everyone else. I have considered it more than once, and was considering it recently. This is making me change my mind. My dad said it best: "If you join a PD, there will not be a day that goes by that I will not worry about you." I dont have kids or a spouse, so I felt for years that I would enjoy being a police officer. I applied wiht the Highway Patrol, (knee wasnt happy and kept me out.) I know how it feels to lose someone close to you at this kind of sacrafice, but I am one of the few people willing to take that chance. I have been trying for 3 years to get enlisted inthe National Guard. My knee keeps preventing that. I cant figure it out, but for some reason, I really want to join now, and avenge all this craziness. I know thats not a solution and never would be. However, we were always told, that Everybody is gonna give something, but some of us were gonna give it all. I am sure some of you would be disappointed in a decison to Enlist and spend the next 4 years tied down, but as soon as the knee is healed and I can run 2 miles again, I am gonna resign the papers. The only thing I can do while I ma here is protect the people I love, and give everything I can. Thats what I fully intend to do.

Adoption

I see so many celeberties adopting children from other countries. My question is why? There are so many kids here in America that need to be adopted. Anyone who adopts a child is willing to give their all, heart and soul to a child. I know this firsthand.
I see pictures of celeberties with thier kids that they have adopted and thats wonderful, they are a happy family. The kids may not look like them at all, but as a coiety we have taken a liking to these familes.
I am not downing celeberties who adopt at all. If anything I of ALL PEOPLE should accept it. I would just like to see a celeberty adopt a child from America.

starting over

So I have too much to do between now and feb 15th. I have to get 4 background checks at 25 bucks a piece. looks like my app packet will go in on the last day better late than never I guess. I am getting up the nerve to go back to school. To start over, to get a degree that i WILL use. Its looking like nursing or occuptional therapy or radiology. Its just a matter of getting my college loan outta default so I can go back. I am working on that hard, pinching pennies.

Thanksgiving

So, I guess I should update on my Thanksgiving adventures.
I left work Wednesday and drove to Pitt County. I arrived about 9pm. Dad and I went to IHOP, its a tradition when I go home now. I was so tired after working all day, and then driving 3 hours, soI crashed soon after that.
Thursday morning, I got up and did my morning routine, bowl of Cheerios, complaining it to early, etc. We had to be at my Aunt Carol Ann's house at Noon. We left our house and went up ot hers to eat lunch, I got to see all my cousins, everyone. I even met OOPS for the first time. You may be asking who OOPS is. He is my cousin from my Uncles second marriage, to a girl from the Phillipenes. His name isnt OOPS, its William Walter Gaskins II. Hes named after my Great Grandfather. We were all questioning paternity, because the baby doesnt look like a Gaskins at all, but I digress.
We left there and went home and relaxed until we had to go back at 6pm for dinner, there was enough food for a small army!
Friday: There was NO WAY I was gonna go shopping on Black Friday. I worked retail for several years, and I know the chaos, I will wait a couple weeks. So, I went Deer hunting. Did I see a deer? NO.
Saturday: Same as Friday, Deer hunting. I saw no deer tho.
Sunday: I went to lunch with dad at Cracker Barrel. I left about 3 to start the journey back. I stoped in Burlington at Buffalo Wild Wings to meet Dawn and the kids. We were there til about 8pm, watched the Carolina game. (I am not a Carolina fan!) The funniest moment was wen I was walking thru the resturant to go to the restroom and I look up and there is my ex, whom I havent seen in years, because she is too good to talk to me now. She looked up at me, then looked down. I saw her girlfriend say something to her, and i just laughed. When I got to my house, there was a Christmas tree, that aparently my roommates got out of a junkyard. (Dont ask).
True Story,
Estee

decisons

So,I have decided that I want a family. if I have to do it alone, so be it. If I am not in a permament relationship by the time I am 35, then I am gonna either adopt or use a surrogate. I think Id make a pretty good parent. I know itwill be tough, but if i have to do it alone, so be it.
Ok, sorry for the ramble.

True Story,
Estee

speaking

I remember 2001-2004 being the roughest years of my life to date. I was dating someone who apparently thought I was completly incompetent. I remember her saying to me.."do you hear the shit you say? its all dumb shit." it made sense in my head. I remember I didnt talk to anyone for a long time after that happened. A long time. I do stutter, and i put words in the wrong place in sentences. I am excepting that yes I stutter on occasion, and sometimes I am a complete idiot. Ya'll gotta deal with it tho.


True Story,
Estee